"we all just get in our own little worlds, will. that is just how life goes." this comment from one has really haunted me for a bit. in fact i guess it was about 2 weeks ago since the comment. and there have been subsequent conversations that have spurred on thoughts of this since then. i guess the reason that i have thought so much about it is because i disagree with it so much. i think actually this is exactly the opposite of what we should be doing. should i stay in my own little bubble and just watch life go by? Not getting involved with others on a large, impractical, uncomfortable stage at all? should we just do our own things and not really care much about what is going on with my brothers and sisters outside of Sundays? And not only our brothers and sisters close, but those far away and that we may not even know? quite honestly i think this is a big part of what is wrong with the church of today. The inward focus is wrong and the selfishness of our lives is quite the opposite of what Christ taught. As much as I would to think it is all about me, it just isn’t. we as humans, need other humans. To interact with, to learn from, to just be with. True community is what Christ calls us to be. True community where justice prevails, love is taught, and people know and depend on each other. The knowing each other, in my opinion, is key to this whole thing working. Why is it that I know most of my non-christian friends better than my Christian brothers and sisters? Why do I feel more comfortable telling them my hurts, fears, screw-ups and dreams? My theory is that we are brought up in a fashion that makes us want to appear as a Christian to other Christians. Why do we do this? We are righteous only because Christ makes us this way. Not because we are any better than a person who doesn’t believe in Christ. And what does this being a Christian look like? That crazy mask that we put on one day a week as we step into (probably down into) once or maybe twice a week? Well – I can tell you that is doesn’t involve us all looking alike, acting alike, or even having all the same beliefs. Obviously I am not talking about fundamental Christian beliefs. But what I am saying is that we can disagree on politics, current issues, moral conflicts and loads of other things while still being Christians in this life together. We do not all have to have the same points of view on everything. We are created differently and we should embrace that. Why are people who come into our churches who look differently than we do, shunned so much? Why are we so uncomfortable? Why do we want everyone in our churches to think alike? Why do we not like for people to ask why? The house of god is not for holy people. It is for sinners like myself and I can come as I am at any time. We should be getting dirty, exposing our souls on a daily basis to each other and learning from those around us. Get to know your neighbor and love them for what they are. Don’t pull any punches with honesty and love. And by all means don’t think that a church is a building. It is people. jesus doesn’t live in that building that you go to occasionally. Im trying to let myself open up to everyone these days. Tell that what is actually happening with me, and listen to what is happening with them. No matter how ugly and terrible it might be, I am just tired of faking it. So if you ask me how I am from now on – just be ready…

already another week has passed since i have been so lazy and not posted anything once more. guess it isnt such a big deal because it appears that no one is really paying any attention to what i write on here anyway! that probably isnt such a bad thing though. maybe it is a bit safer when there are less people reading my ramblings.

my parents will be here in like 3 weeks to the day. im getting pretty excited about it because i havent seen them since july. kinda wierd since i know this is the longest i have ever gone without seeing them. i find myself really wanting to talk to them occasionally - or maybe it is more that i need a good ole hug sometimes. i think we just dont do that enough anymore. it will be a really nice time to spend with them. they will get to see my city and meet my friends here. pretty pumped about that. and man - february is flying by so fast. cant believe that it is almost gone.

saw munich thursday night. great movie. yeah - i know it has been out awhile most places - but i got to see it just a little late. several things struck me about this movie. but really the one line that got me was when Robert talks about his righteousness, and how he cant keep this up. "We are supposed to be righteous! I lose that, that's my soul!" wish i had the entire quote - but man it just really hit me. if we lose this one thing that christ gave us - we have nothing.

my internet access is once again back to sporadic times, so this probably wont get updated as much as i would like. but there are several more things i want to post on here - so maybe i will get it done. well - enjoy your weekend and i will enjoy this nice warm spell that we are having here. i have this strange feeling it isnt going to last very long, although i sure wish it would. kinda nice not having to wear 4 layers all the time. well - more soon. just gotta write some more. and if there is anyone still reading this - comments would be nice...

once again find myself living for the weekends - not even knowing what i will do when they come. i just know not having anywhere to be is such a nice feeling. so anyway - usually monday slaps me in the face pretty hard. not to say this week wasnt good. it was actually. really had some good times and had some great conversations with some really cool people.

stayed in the pub maybe a bit too late last night talking about family, expectations, fashion, and church. not such a bad combination after all. a good time was had by all i think - but it wasnt so easy to get up this morning. id do it again though - anytime.

been thinking loads lately about prayer and its place. what we should be doing with this. what has been thought in the past and how we can change the perceptions. This is one of the articles that has stretched my imagination. We have to realize that there are so many things we can be doing - but we just dont open our eyes and minds enough...

while you are at it - check out what bono had to say recently to the american government at the the national prayer breakfast. and look really closely at what he says about justice. it is a long article - but take a minute and see what he is talking about. i hope it makes you think as much as it did me...

confessions of heart
hear please this cry
ragged and alone
laying here tonight

im trying so hard
to show you may scars
blood from these wounds
scary yet far

this life so unreal
hide though i must
struggles inside
wondering why

touch me oh god
give me your strength
wrap now your arms
strangle my pride

ok - just trying to get this thing looking better. thanks to dave - he is showing me a bit about html and editing this thing. hopefully in the next few days it will be looking a bit better...