this place is beautiful but crazy. things here are and aren’t quite what I expected. some days I feel as if I have stepped back a few hundred years. some days I feel things are right where they should be. one day im taken aback and humbled by what people don’t have and how they do things. at the same time – I wonder why I think I have things figured out – or why my way is the right way. who am i to say what is backwards or crazy? I should know by now – that I have nothing figured out and that my ways are not usually the right ones, so why do I so many times feel this? I think the more I stay here – this may subside.

society here is a bit weird for me. separation is something that I have never felt really comfortable with – and here with the whites it seems completely normal and acceptable. most whites here employ cooks, housekeepers, guards, gardeners, etc.. I feel like this is a good thing and blesses people with jobs and hopefully some sense of purpose. but from what I can tell – most of the time they are just treated like hired help. I personally plan on trying to build relationships with people and treat them the same way that I would treat any of my friends, no matter if they are working the farm or hold some ‘respectable position’ somewhere. some of the people here seem to have a problem socialising with the people who hold different jobs and whom think they are too good to be at a party with people who are ‘just help’. I guess my point is this: if someone doesn’t come along and think that things are wrong and try to make some sort of change – it will perpetuate. there have been talks of having dinner parties, or just gatherings for tea – and when it is mentioned – there is talk of not inviting certain people for worry that they wont feel comfortable. honestly – I think it all crap. and some of the excuses I have heard is that – maybe the guys who work the farm wont feel comfortable coming into our home for dinner. maybe they will feel like they have to invite us to their homes. maybe the white guests will feel like they cant be themselves around the guys who labour for us. I say that they can get over it. I say that maybe the reason that they wont feel comfortable is because we haven’t taken the time to invite them in before. I say forget how things are – and try to break out of these petty ass ways. and its not like – this would be invading and trying to change someones culture and making it like ours. its treating people like the people and children of god that they are. they are made in his image exactly like we are. they are called friends of Christ – just like we are. can inviting them in and getting to know them this way be so bad? the time for separation and the like has passed – and in fact should never have been. as Christians – we cant afford to act this way – and I believe that it is wrong. jesus would have never played these games – and we shouldn’t either. the sheer meaning of being a Christian goes out the window when these things start to happen. and I never want to succumb to that. maybe this goes in the face of many well respected people here – but once again I will choose to say that I don’t care. I don’t want a part of that. the god that I love and choose to serve just wont put up with that. so thanks but no thanks - ill choose to go with my heart on this one.