thirty-one years. going on thirty-two. thirty-one years of formulating thoughts. thirty-one years of thinking i want certain things. thirty-one years are a long long time to be mostly alone and really not having to worry about what another person wants or makes them happy. when you start talking about spending your life with someone how do those things come together? how do you make those changes without really changing who you are? is it even possible? how do two people come together, make that person happy, and at the same time that person still be whom they want to be? how does she keep who she is while becoming one with a husband? and when god talks about a man leaving his father to become one flesh with his wife - will i make her happy and fulfill her? at the same time - i want to help her dreams come true. i want to know what her dreams are - and be able to help her reach these dreams. i see us learning from each other - and taking a lot from the other. this will make us stronger. and when trying to make these things happen - i know it wont be easy. there will be some really tough times - but i wont run from it. ill be standing right there with that one - longing to figure it out. if we have to cry our way through it - then ill be there to wipe away her tears, and kiss her when the problem is solved. because there will be problems that will need to be solved. god knows i hope it isnt many - but come what may - i will be doing everything in my power to make it work. i believe that the only good reason to be with someone is because the two people who come together are better as two than one. you feed off the other and happiness resonates. you are brought together because god is going to do greater things through the two of you than just one. these are just my thoughts and this is something that i have been praying about so much about lately...

when you meet someone amazing – that you like a bit and are interested in - i tend to think it can be a good time. but when you meet the perfect woman for you - the one whom you have spent your whole life praying for - it is downright frightening. now dont get me wrong – it is the most exciting thing i have ever felt – but so very scary. here is the thing... ive met the woman of my dreams. the woman that my dreams have been made of for my whole life. the one who consumes my thoughts most minutes of the day, and the one whom i have prayed for my whole life. without a doubt – this is whom i want to marry. this is who i am supposed to marry. i look into her eyes – and i am so blown away by her that i just have to laugh with god. see – god knows me so well (psalm 139) that he made this woman – not only in his image – but more perfect than i could have ever dreamed. i had no clue that this girl would be the most sweet and loving person that i have ever met. i had no idea that she would be the most godly woman in my world, and would pray for me like she has. i had no idea that such a beautiful woman would ever say the words i love you to me and love me the way she has. to be perfectly honest i had no idea i would ever be able to give my heart to one so fully. i think god just laughs because i doubted him for so long and now here she is. in my mind this has been the most amazing demonstration of the way that christ loves us: fully, unconditional, without reservation and like no other. i see christ in her more than i have ever seen christ in any one person. she makes me smile, laugh and makes me so much better.

i know this is all a ramble – and i am not sure who is even reading this – if anyone still is. the truth is that while i dont know exactly how – this is going to work. i dont have all the answers – but i will work so hard to be the man i am supposed to be for you. i want to do things right. i want to go into this with god as our guide. i want to love her the way i am supposed to – and i want to give her what she needs. i dont know how all the coming together stuff will work, and i dont even know how good i will be at doing it. but i do know – i want to try. not really try – but i want to do it. period. i want to work on things with her and i want to talk about everything. face-to-face, and best friend to best friend.. i want to tell her when i am wrong and i want her to know that when i said i love you – that it was a promise. it is a promise to never give up, and to never give in to anything. to fight for her always, and love her like i have never known i could love another person. because all of this is true. something like this almost never comes along. most people never get this chance, so i plan on seeing this through. once in a lifetime is so cliche – but i believe it to be true. every ounce of hope in my heart depends on it, and i will gladly spend the rest of my life fighting for her.

while i may not fully know how to do this – i am going to do it. with gods help, a lot of prayer, maybe some tears and with my best friend holding my hand – i believe with my whole heart it is going to work. thirty-one years be damned. i am not going to let those years be a hinderance to us. there isnt anything that we cant make it through. Kimberly Grimes, i love you, and my heart is yours. always...