not sure exactly when i arrived in kenya - but i know that its been about a year now. give or take a few days. its been an interesting year - and i have met tons of people and seen a lot of places. most of these places were places i never dreamed i would even visit. things i have felt have run a whole spectrum of emotions. i have felt happiness in many shades. i met my new nephew whom i adore and i met the woman that i want to marry. ive fallen in love with so many children that i cant even count and i have made so many new amazing friends. ive seen the beauty of gods earth and that same beauty in the smiles of the kenyan, ugandan and tanzanian people. ive felt love in so many ways - that i cant even start to describe it. the love of a child who wont let go your hand and the love of a girl who made all of my hopes and dreams come true. ive been lonely beyond measure and i have had so many friends i could not count. my heart has broken over seeing children eating out of trash piles and over not being the man god made me to be. my heart has hurt because of so many i dont even know who are hurting - not to mention because the one i love the most in this whole world is hurting like hell. my heart aches for her.
and my heart cries out to god to give her comfort.

despite all these feelings and emotions its been a great year. maybe its been a great year because of all these things. finding out more who god made me to be. finding how my heart works. chasing more after gods heart - and not mine. and knowing that the more i know of his heart - the better i can love others. my heart has a long way to go - and probably always will. but the most amazing thing is just knowing how much he does love me. and knowing that he put others in my life who love me too. in more ways that i ever thought possible - or that i deserved. but leaning on the grace that i have been given - i can get through it. and with that strength - i will keep at it.

spent the last few days driving all over the coutryside looking for sites that this school we are trying to build can be built on. been in maasi land and in the rift valley. ive chased zebras on foot and seen tons of beautiful places. been around great poeple and been given a lot of godly council. amazing things are happening - and at times i have to remind myself im in africa. but the last few days ive been very aware of it. africa is my home. and lots of times - my hope.

harsh realities make for hard days. but mostly what i have found out of it is a more intimate relationship with my god. many things have happened lately to spark these realities. most of them revolve around my relationship with a girl whom i am completely in love with. the first girl whom i have ever given my whole heart to. and even though it is this way - i still have made huge mistakes. loads of them. but through the lens of this relationship - i have gotten a clearer picture of who i am - and who god made me to be. who god wants me to be. it has taken a lot of time - and it hasnt been pretty - but i guess you have to go right through the storm in order to get out of it. i know that through all of this i will be stronger - and if this relationship lives on - it will be so much stronger. ive started to really realise how much god loves me and what he has promised me.

somehow i stumbled on philippians 3 this morning, and it just made me realise so many things. some of these things i already knew - and a lot i didnt want to admit for whatever the reason. firstly that god loves me. i am good enough - because his grace is enough. and that in itself is enough. its one of those things that i love to tell people - but dont want to believe for my life. but i am seeing it. it is affecting everything i am. besides trying to get through some hardships - i am really loving myself for the first time in awhile. i love who god made me to be - and i am trying to embrace that. but not only that - i am seeing what i am not - and pushing those things out. my branches are being pruned - and i know that i will be stronger for it.

its been a bit hard for me the last few relationships that i have had - they have brought me down and made me become someone i never was. and i am not going to place blame anywhere - because im sure my attitude played a big part in things as well. but my self-worth was for sure tested. and i let that go right downhill - into myself believing that i am not good enough for anyone. those walls came up - and my heart became a bit hardened. god is melting that - and i am seeing a huge change in my heart and mind. im becoming more of the person that god created me to be. my ability to love is coming back. my ability to treat others like i want to treat them is reappearing. my ability to see the good in everyone is so exciting. and other things that i didnt really have before are rearing their head. before all this - i didnt have the easiest time accepting people. im judgemental, and selfish. but its been laid on my heart so much lately - and i can visibly see these changes take place. i want to love people. i want that to be a huge part of who i am. i just have to let go of myself. its something that is happening as i write. and its something that is pretty amazing. to see whatever had to happen to make this happen. its so good. the god i serve is a god of love - my heart should reflect that. its happening and it makes my heart happy. as much as all this hurts to have to see in myself - it is a cleansing that i needed.

thirty-one years. going on thirty-two. thirty-one years of formulating thoughts. thirty-one years of thinking i want certain things. thirty-one years are a long long time to be mostly alone and really not having to worry about what another person wants or makes them happy. when you start talking about spending your life with someone how do those things come together? how do you make those changes without really changing who you are? is it even possible? how do two people come together, make that person happy, and at the same time that person still be whom they want to be? how does she keep who she is while becoming one with a husband? and when god talks about a man leaving his father to become one flesh with his wife - will i make her happy and fulfill her? at the same time - i want to help her dreams come true. i want to know what her dreams are - and be able to help her reach these dreams. i see us learning from each other - and taking a lot from the other. this will make us stronger. and when trying to make these things happen - i know it wont be easy. there will be some really tough times - but i wont run from it. ill be standing right there with that one - longing to figure it out. if we have to cry our way through it - then ill be there to wipe away her tears, and kiss her when the problem is solved. because there will be problems that will need to be solved. god knows i hope it isnt many - but come what may - i will be doing everything in my power to make it work. i believe that the only good reason to be with someone is because the two people who come together are better as two than one. you feed off the other and happiness resonates. you are brought together because god is going to do greater things through the two of you than just one. these are just my thoughts and this is something that i have been praying about so much about lately...

when you meet someone amazing – that you like a bit and are interested in - i tend to think it can be a good time. but when you meet the perfect woman for you - the one whom you have spent your whole life praying for - it is downright frightening. now dont get me wrong – it is the most exciting thing i have ever felt – but so very scary. here is the thing... ive met the woman of my dreams. the woman that my dreams have been made of for my whole life. the one who consumes my thoughts most minutes of the day, and the one whom i have prayed for my whole life. without a doubt – this is whom i want to marry. this is who i am supposed to marry. i look into her eyes – and i am so blown away by her that i just have to laugh with god. see – god knows me so well (psalm 139) that he made this woman – not only in his image – but more perfect than i could have ever dreamed. i had no clue that this girl would be the most sweet and loving person that i have ever met. i had no idea that she would be the most godly woman in my world, and would pray for me like she has. i had no idea that such a beautiful woman would ever say the words i love you to me and love me the way she has. to be perfectly honest i had no idea i would ever be able to give my heart to one so fully. i think god just laughs because i doubted him for so long and now here she is. in my mind this has been the most amazing demonstration of the way that christ loves us: fully, unconditional, without reservation and like no other. i see christ in her more than i have ever seen christ in any one person. she makes me smile, laugh and makes me so much better.

i know this is all a ramble – and i am not sure who is even reading this – if anyone still is. the truth is that while i dont know exactly how – this is going to work. i dont have all the answers – but i will work so hard to be the man i am supposed to be for you. i want to do things right. i want to go into this with god as our guide. i want to love her the way i am supposed to – and i want to give her what she needs. i dont know how all the coming together stuff will work, and i dont even know how good i will be at doing it. but i do know – i want to try. not really try – but i want to do it. period. i want to work on things with her and i want to talk about everything. face-to-face, and best friend to best friend.. i want to tell her when i am wrong and i want her to know that when i said i love you – that it was a promise. it is a promise to never give up, and to never give in to anything. to fight for her always, and love her like i have never known i could love another person. because all of this is true. something like this almost never comes along. most people never get this chance, so i plan on seeing this through. once in a lifetime is so cliche – but i believe it to be true. every ounce of hope in my heart depends on it, and i will gladly spend the rest of my life fighting for her.

while i may not fully know how to do this – i am going to do it. with gods help, a lot of prayer, maybe some tears and with my best friend holding my hand – i believe with my whole heart it is going to work. thirty-one years be damned. i am not going to let those years be a hinderance to us. there isnt anything that we cant make it through. Kimberly Grimes, i love you, and my heart is yours. always...

yes i know that i am terrible at keeping this thing up. ill try to do better - but you know me. I wont promise any of that nonsense...

On a much better note - thanks to fred and deb - we now have Vonage at our house in Kenya. Yes - this means that there is an American number that can be called and will ring here in Kenya. Pretty amazing. so here is the number: 601.621.4114. Now its up to you to use it.

so here i am again – wrestling. wrestling with life, wrestling with my feelings. and most of all wrestling with these demons of loneliness... right now the latter is kicking me in the gut. but instead of everything coming out into the open with the sheer force of the impact – it stays inside as if i threw up in my mouth. i guess so much contributes to this. so many things run around in my head – and as usual – i have a hard time processing it all. i struggle with needing community around, and it not really happening. i struggle making sense of my feelings. i struggle with my thoughts constantly turning to certain people, and i guess most of all i still struggle with who god made me to be.

one thing i struggle with is something that i have a hard time putting into words. in a way – its my being gullible. in other ways – its my being naieve. but honestly most of it has to do with having too many feelings somehow. i just read a bio of rich mullins – and it blows my mind how i see so many things of how i feel in who he was. at least i can relate on many levels. in the introduction that brennan manning wrote he says this about rich. “poets are a unique breed of human beings. they ricochet between agony and ecstacy because they take everything so personally. where other people feel kicked by an unkind world, the poet feels disemboweled. the slightest provocation can induce a fit of weeping or a fit of joy. others cannot understand why he does what he does, and the poet is often clueless himself.” now while i dont actually consider myself a poet – i feel like this does do a decent job of describing me. especially the last few lines. yes – i do cry – as much as i hate to admit it. and as much as people hate to see it - it happens. and the part about being clueless to what i do? man – most days i have no idea. the question i end up asking god is why does he give me all these feelings. and why are they so strong? why does he make me love with everything i am – only to be given up on. i will never understand this about myself – and most days i absolutely hate it. i have never been one to hold things inside – and it never seems to get me anywhere but on the road to ruin. i cant even count the times that ive heard “will, i cant handle all your feelings...they are just too much.” these days i am so scared to love. im scared at scaring people – and i am scared at scarring my heart that much more. somehow in my mind – noone is ever going to be able to look at this heart and love it for what it is. its been given away too many times – only to be tossed back with a nice little note attached saying no thanks. but still i am confounded by what god shows me. isnt he the one who gives me these feelings? why does he slap me in the face with the most perfect someone – only for them to be taken away? is this how i am supposed to learn to love? cause god – im not sure i want to learn it if i have to go through this crap.

but i will wait. ill wait because i know that its worth it. ill wait because i have met the most amazing person that i have ever met, and i honestly believe that god has something amazing in store for us. ill wait because i have never had such feelings before – and i cant contain them – although i know i should. ill wait because i know that nothing worth having comes easy. ill wait because the thought of her smile keeps me going through even these low places. ill wait because i saw the way that she loves people. but most importantly i will wait for her because she is the one i have always dreamed about. and although i have dreamed of her my whole life – there are so many things she is that i never even dreamed of. the wake of people that she leaves in her path adore her. as do i. so this is why i wait – and these are the demons that wrestle with...

lord i pray

for peace
for strength

you have shown me a picture of how it can be
a picture of what i have dreamed of
a person who shares my soul
one i absolutely adore

lord i pray

for integrity
for wisdom

my heart cries out today
for so many things
will i be loved
by others than you

will i keep drowning
or learn how to swim
with these things floating
constantly in my head

god i cry out

for your strength
not mine

its by your grace
i swim
and drown
in your love

these visions i see
of this one i adore

i pray it is your heart
not mine
i now see

here is the latest thing that made me laugh.. i will just let you read it... good job guys - once again you always seem to get it right...

http://www.knoxnews.com/news/2008/sep/19/sbc-stores-hide-magazine-cover-girl-pastors/?partner=RSS

“i have a few words to tell you. if you know you are planting and will never reap, why waste your time? dying people should be left to die..”

“no. if i have to bring up a child, let me bring up the one with a future.”

“i don’t like wasting time. I think such children should not even exist.”

“i would only bring it up if i am guaranteed that this kid is impotent. But if normal – no. You know why? I will be in the front line in spoiling the world..”

“positive(HIV) people should be thrown in a deep pit and be buried. They don’t have to exist.”

“bringing up such a child means i want AIDS to dominate the world. “

“please. I hate wasting time, and that is wasting time. why should i do that?”

“no, because my husband cant agree. he hates people with AIDS..”

“no such a thing should ever come to a normal persons mind..”

the question was this: Could you bring up (foster or adopt) a baby who is HIV positive? out of almost 40 people who were surveyed only about 5 gave any kind of positive answer. the above were just a few examples of the remaining responses given. this is just a bit of research that has been done in preparation for the new baby centre that will be opening in conjunction with Limuru Children Centre. it will be a rescue for babies with HIV that have literally been thrown away. maybe it shouldn’t surprise me that there are people who think this way in the world. maybe i shouldn’t get these knots in my stomach that i get when i read these responses over and over. maybe i shouldn’t get so damn mad about such things – but honestly i do. i find myself biting my tongue and searching for the right emotion, that i can never seem to find..

i see children everyday who have HIV - we have a few at LCC – and many more in the villages surrounding the centre. i wish you could see their beautiful faces. i wish you could look into their eyes and catch a glimpse of their souls. and if you could only hear their laughter.. none of these thoughts would ever cross any human being’s mind. what child has a choice in what they are born with? why do some deserve so much more than others? (another question that i find myself asking quite regularly) who gave anyone the right to pass judgment on a single one of these children or think that they are better than these? are we so quick to throw away a life? what if a vaccine is invented next year?

ill just ask this.. Can one day you look your father in the eyes – and expect him to say well done my good and faithful servant – if we allow this ignorance to perpetuate? how long will ignorance prevail?

so many times I have woken up thinking to myself – what am I doing here? too many times I have not known. so many nights I have laid awake and thought to myself – did I help anyone but myself today? too many times the answer has been a definite no. these days are different in a way. im still not entirely sure that I can definitively answer these questions I long to know the answers to - but I don’t feel quite as lost. its hit my pretty hard lately – more than usual – that none of what I do is supposed to be for me. patrick (the guy who runs the centre) and I get a lot of time to talk these days – and he never fails to remind me that no matter what is going on, no matter how much things become foggy or messed up or just hard, everything we do and the whole reason we are there is for these kids.

beloved children of the father.

ive heard horror stories that will stay with me my entire life. ive seen the emotional scars left on innocent children that affect them in ways I cant even imagine in my worst nightmares. most times I refuse to believe that any of these stories can be true- and without fail I am wrong. but what strikes me the most is not any of this. what strikes me the most is how much this affects my thoughts, actions, and sheer emotions – while none of it happened to me. none. what have those beautiful eyes seen? where have their feet trod? who has made them do what? none of it deserved – and none explainable. and I wonder where god was at. and I ask questions that I can never know the answer to. and I question my humanity. and I wonder…

then they smile. and they laugh like they have never had a sad or tough day in their life, and they hold my hand and wont let go... and they look in my eyes with an innocence that is impossible to understand. and somehow it starts to make a bit of sense. not much – but a bit. ive never seen so much joy written so blatently on a childs face. ive never seen so much beauty in ragged clothing. ive never seen such pure hearts with so much dirt covering these faces and feet. and in this beautiful mess – I see the face of my god – when I was just wondering how in the hell he could really be here.

james 1:27 says religion that god our father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. never before has this meant so much to me. never before have I even vaguely understood as I think I am starting to now. the world is a messed up place and ive just seen bits and pieces of it – but somehow there are these beacons of hope that I glace upon here and there. needless to say – im not sure I will look at this life with the same eyes again…

this place is beautiful but crazy. things here are and aren’t quite what I expected. some days I feel as if I have stepped back a few hundred years. some days I feel things are right where they should be. one day im taken aback and humbled by what people don’t have and how they do things. at the same time – I wonder why I think I have things figured out – or why my way is the right way. who am i to say what is backwards or crazy? I should know by now – that I have nothing figured out and that my ways are not usually the right ones, so why do I so many times feel this? I think the more I stay here – this may subside.

society here is a bit weird for me. separation is something that I have never felt really comfortable with – and here with the whites it seems completely normal and acceptable. most whites here employ cooks, housekeepers, guards, gardeners, etc.. I feel like this is a good thing and blesses people with jobs and hopefully some sense of purpose. but from what I can tell – most of the time they are just treated like hired help. I personally plan on trying to build relationships with people and treat them the same way that I would treat any of my friends, no matter if they are working the farm or hold some ‘respectable position’ somewhere. some of the people here seem to have a problem socialising with the people who hold different jobs and whom think they are too good to be at a party with people who are ‘just help’. I guess my point is this: if someone doesn’t come along and think that things are wrong and try to make some sort of change – it will perpetuate. there have been talks of having dinner parties, or just gatherings for tea – and when it is mentioned – there is talk of not inviting certain people for worry that they wont feel comfortable. honestly – I think it all crap. and some of the excuses I have heard is that – maybe the guys who work the farm wont feel comfortable coming into our home for dinner. maybe they will feel like they have to invite us to their homes. maybe the white guests will feel like they cant be themselves around the guys who labour for us. I say that they can get over it. I say that maybe the reason that they wont feel comfortable is because we haven’t taken the time to invite them in before. I say forget how things are – and try to break out of these petty ass ways. and its not like – this would be invading and trying to change someones culture and making it like ours. its treating people like the people and children of god that they are. they are made in his image exactly like we are. they are called friends of Christ – just like we are. can inviting them in and getting to know them this way be so bad? the time for separation and the like has passed – and in fact should never have been. as Christians – we cant afford to act this way – and I believe that it is wrong. jesus would have never played these games – and we shouldn’t either. the sheer meaning of being a Christian goes out the window when these things start to happen. and I never want to succumb to that. maybe this goes in the face of many well respected people here – but once again I will choose to say that I don’t care. I don’t want a part of that. the god that I love and choose to serve just wont put up with that. so thanks but no thanks - ill choose to go with my heart on this one.

once again – not really sure where to start. not in a bad way – just don’t know what all I want to talk about. trying to keep this thing updated is something I want to do – but not something that I am very good at. today was a long day as it was the last day for the team here was going to see the kids this year. we had something of a carnival for them – and tons of gifts. I huge Kenyan feast for the kids, and there were lots of hugs as well as tears. I on the other hand will be here – so I got to stand on the outside and see things from other peoples eyes in a way. one thing is for sure – and that is the love that is there. these folks on this trip love those kids. and those kids aren’t really sure about much – but they know that they love them as well. you could see it in their eyes. you could see it in their eyes every day really – but it seemed a bit magnified this afternoon. but im not surprised. I wont ever be able to think about Africa again without thinking about most of those faces. but my time here isn’t quite up yet – so those thoughts will be saved for another day.

we leave tomorrow for safari and I am very excited. it will be a much appreciated break – for we have had some long days the last week and a half. friday night I return – then get on another plane for western Kenya on sunday. will be back in lemuru I guess around wednesday. then the real work begins I think. the farm is on its way to be running. the month of july will be getting things ready to go. we hired a guy to be the farm manager – and he is super cool. good things are going to happen. just crazy how things are starting to go – and how god can put together the most random pieces and make them fit. guess it shouldn’t really surprise me. not sure who all will be living with me as of yet – but right now an austrailian couple, kalen (my co-worker) and AB will be there until he leaves in august. seems like there is another guy I cant remember his story who will be there as well. the house is amazing and I am very excited about moving in soon. initially we will be growing mostly veggies, and will move into chickens, cows, maybe goats, and loads of other things. strawberries, and a few other fruits as well. it is a very exciting thing. new beginnings. also there is a cheese making facility across the street - and the cheese is amazing. that excites me too.

there are some other things I want to say at some point – when I get my thoughts in better order. but until then – ill try to keep things updated. and more pics ill post soon. just a matter of doing it I guess. but ill write more when I return from western Kenya. oh yeah – I found out today that ill be going to Zanzibar for my birthday… so excited…

saturday is here. got to sleep in a bit and woke to coffee and an omlet. things here have still been really busy - but not in a bad way. today we are off to the farm where i soon will be living - and hosting all the boarders from the center in a picnic.. im pretty sure football will be involved as well as lots of eating and chasing all the kids around. im pretty excited - its a beautiful day. the weather here is amazing. its their winter - and it feel so nice. never gets above about 70ish and they say in the hottest of summer its only about 10 degrees more. we are almost at 8000ft here - and the mornings are cool and the nights as well. just enough to wear a pullover and shorts. my kind of weather. as much as i love praha - the weather here just is so nice compared to there.

so thursday we spent the morning in the slums of nairobi. its called kibera - and there are over a million people living in one square mile. there are over 50k orphans alone. this was the main site that the post-election violence took place back in january. it was quite a sight - and i didnt really know what to make of it. raw sewage runs through most of the streets, and houses are about 10x10 with usually up to 10 people in each house. there is one outhouse per 50-60 families. needless to say - it was something i have never seen before. we met with a pastor at a church, named raphael. amazing guy. they have so many really cool minitries there - including one to help women learn a trade. they have a sewing school - and dont charge the women anything - because most cant afford it.

anyway - i will post more later but for now here are a few pics...
and yes i am aware that this is a few days late.





the boarders at the orphanage


patricks farm


me and patrick

well its been about a week since I left mississippi. so much to say that I am not even sure where to start.. ill see if I can just describe what we have been doing over the last few days..

got into brakenhurst around 9ish on friday night a bag short , a bit tired, but here. I couldnt really tell much about anything since it was dark – but the weather was beautiful and cool. when we left the terminal – there were so many people waiting for us to help and to greet us. the kenyans who were there were probably some of the friendliest people whom ive ever met, and although I didn’t realise it at the time –they are quickly becoming great friends. upon arriving at bracken – I started to see how beautiful this place is. the stars were to bright. its so nice to be out in the open among so many new plants that I don’t know.

then I got to meet the team who is here these first 3 weeks. I only knew a few of them – but now I feel as if I have known them all my life. I think our numbers are around 20 total people – of which include about 4 of my new coworkers with global connections. so many things to take in – that it has been a bit crazy. but really fun.

and I headed to bed…

and I have my own cottage.

saturday we headed to patricks house. patrick is the guy who runs the childrens center. his family lives on the most perfect farm that you could ever dream of. his mother has a house there – as well as patrick and his wife with their 5 children. the 35 boarders from LImuru Childrens Center met us there – and we got to meet the children for the first time. they were so cool. we hiked around the property and just got to know them – while just taking it all in. huge fields of cabbage, flowers, and other veggies were as far as you could see to the bottom of the valley. then on the other side of the property – tea fields. but the kids.. man – they were so cool and helping me to try and learn a bit of kswahili. so much fun. I even had my own personal photographer – as one of the kids grabbed the camera and just was taking pics of everything. he probably did a better job than me. getting back to the house – patricks mom told us how she started the center/orphanage. needless to say – we all were impossibly moved. she was so thankful for us – and I felt the same way. such a wonderful lady and family. and we said our goodbyes.

sunday we went to church at the local church – a 5 min walk from bracken – and had a great time. they were so welcoming and loved having us there. I didn’t understand much that morning – but that didn’t stop us from having a great time and feeling the joy that they felt. I haven’t met so many people ever who are so happy – and have so little. at least we think its little.

I guess that leads me to my next observation. ive never been to a place like this anywhere. ive never been somewhere among a people who are so joyful among so much poverty. im not even sure how to describe how the scene looks. narrow roads filled with people walking, growing crops on the roadside, donkeys, cows, goats, sheep and chickens roaming free on the road. the occasional cars passes flying by (on the wrong side to me..) and stores (read - shacks with holes in the sides and maybe a tin roof) with people trying to scratch out a living, lining the streets. then all of a sudden you come to compounds with huge walls and guards and the most beautiful house you could think of. complete with monkeys in the trees and more flowers than you can name. im not doing this any justice – so I think ill move on for now.

monday we were at the newer center all day working. we had several projects going – and got most of them done. played with the kids and hung out with the workers.
tuesday we were at the original center – and it was so much fun. I got to help cook, as well as wash clothes and play with the kids. once again – everything is so different. the ladies who work there and live with the kids are so cool – they just make you smile with one look. then – you get to talking to them and you cant help but just light up. amazing people – and so happy. man it makes me think about so many things. they helped me smile. they were so excited to know that I was staying – and I am not sure ive had so many hugs in a really long time. they were so excited that I was going to be a part of the family! things are gonna be a lot of fun. I spent the rest of the afternoon showing off the football (soccer) skills that I did not have – then we left for dinner at about 5.

and today was spent seeing and helping at several different places that im sure ill be seeing more of in the weeks to come. and as I spend more time there – I will write more. one was an HIV/AIDS support program that my new friends Duncan and Cornell run. the other was a feeding program that an older English lady has been running for a really long time now. I was blown away – and I am so excited to just jump in and see what can happen. but more on that later.

ill be here at bracken until I think the 12th. internet is limited a bit – but I can get on this some. I should get a phone number on friday – and maybe ill know my address soon too. ill be moving to the farm soon – and it is amazing. seriously – it looks like something from the movie out of Africa. we have about 10 acres to farm, an amazing garden and space for hogs, chickens and cows. we even have avacodo trees in our front yard… im so stoked… I promise pics soon.. I miss you all – and if you have not been to africa – you really should. your heart will be blessed.

where to start...

life. such a weird thing it can be. guess i spend loads of my time trying to figure out what it is supposed to entail and look like. im guessing im not alone on this one. but sometimes i just wonder why things happen. i mean - so many things dont make a bit of sense. so many things hurt, leave me without hope, and so many things just suck. it feels like every pitch that i am thrown, i end up swinging and missing. a ridiculous swinging-for-the-fence, come out of your shoes type strike.

but life goes on.

shortly after all this came to the abrupt stop that it did, i got a call from one of my best friends, asking if i would consider moving to kenya to work for global connections. ive seen this organisation grow over the years, and have always looked fondly upon it. the folks who sit on the board and all who are involved with it, have great hearts, and love to help people. without too much delay i told them i would love to. really i didnt know many details, and i still dont know too many - but i will find out when i get there. there will be lots to do, and probably not enough time to do it in, but i am excited. we partner with an orphange there, as well as several other NGOs in Kenya and in a few other countries as well. ive never been to africa at all - but im just gonna leave this in gods hands and trust that he will take care of me.

so i get to thinking about all i have said and done in my life. and how many times i have told people and said that i really want to be helping people with my life, not just doing what will wants to do. and i think how i have never really done this. i mean i say it all the time - but i still havent really done it. so there it is god - i want to do this - but do i really want to? and so he calls me out on it. basically saying to me - if you are gonna talk a big game - then you need to have the game to back it up. funny how god called my bluff - but im going. i think it took a good kick in the ass - but i will gladly see where it takes me.

i leave the 26th of june from memphis and get to kenya the next day sometime after flying through detroit and amsterdam on to nairobi. i hope that i can keep this updated and keep you all updated - that is if there is anyone who still reads this thing...