had lots of time lately to think. not sure that it is always a good thing - but some of what comes out can be. seems that for the most part i am a dreamer and while this may require a bit of thought with my head - mostly it consists of just feelings from my heart. but recently (well the last 11 months or so..) i have been thinking so much about the church. it has taken me quite awhile to come to love a church - but i am starting to. guess you can see this from a lot of my past entries too. i should just note that most of my experiences in this area have been in american southern baptist church - so you know where i am coming from in the sentences that follow. i have been wondering lately what church could be like. what it could be if people actually tried to live like christ and really follow his teachings. these are all just dreams and thoughts of mine - but i thought i would share with you. and if you have some too - i would love to hear them.

i dream of a church that loves people for how they come. one that loves people for who they are - not who they could be. a church that doesnt look down upon the ones who show up how they are - while those others try to put on a show for everyone else there.

i dream of a church who wants to be challenged. a place where people like being uncomfortable. a place that has no room for stale traditions and ceremonies that no longer mean anything. a place where people are allowed to think for themselves and are not told what to think. a place where it is all right to disagree with each other and still be brothers and sisters.

i dream of a church that has no room for intolerance. a place that is free from sermons on abortions and homosexuality and issues of intolerance to drive people away from christ. but a church that has enough boldness to teach the love of christ. a place that will no longer support the segregation of sunday mornings in america.

i dream of a church united, where denominations are meaningless. where in towns we worship together and dont fight. where children are not brought up to think every other house of worship is not wierd just because they may not worship or act exactly like you may.

i dream of a church where people dance. i dream of a church that cries, sings and laughs. one where the rocks need not cry out in real worship because the people refuse to do so. one where art it embraced and encouraged. one where the people are open to new things and changes and dont bitch and moan when they dont get their way.

i dream of a church that doesnt lie. one where the actual bible is taught - not one where we do things just because that is how they have always been done. one that doesnt make up rules for living for me. one that realises that christianity is not a morality code, but a way of life.


i dream of a house of prayer. one who cries out to god on behalf of the nations daily. one whos people realize that their brothers and sisters are worldwide and they need our help. one whos only prayers are for its own peoples prosperity. a church that can see that most of our nations "problems" are pretty small in comparison with millions of peoples hunger.

i dream of a church where the preacher dosnt make six figures and thinks that it is ok. where the people in our churches would not let this happen. a church that would take care of people who needed it. a church that sends out missionaries everyday into the world and into our communities.

i dream of a church whos people dont need to be preached at. who dont need to be spoon fed everything and told how to act. one whos people come because the want to - not out of obligation.

i dream of a church based on relationships. real feelings, real hurt, real happiness. one that wont pass out a tract so they dont have to spend time and get to know a persons needs and feelings. a church that takes care of people - no matter how great the cost.

i dream of a church that is not concerned about membership numbers and what the return is on the dollars we spend, but knows it is all kingdom work. and knows that the kingdom is here now.

i dream of a church where everyone is equal. where you do not have to be a deacon or an elder to serve communion. where everyone is treated with the same respect. a church where the people who give more money would not have more say in what happens. a church free of politics and all the shit that goes along with it.

i dream of a church that preaches environmentalism. a place that realises that the kingdom is here now - and we are stewards of this great earth. one who doesnt spend thousands of dollars printing and throwing things away every week.

i dream of a church that will help my friends want to know christ, not give them every reason in the world to run far far away. i dream of a place where christians dont see themselves as better than the world and my friends in this world. a place where we dont only socialize with ourselves.

i dream of a church who wont condemn. whos people will love and not talk about people when they are hurting, but instead love them as christ did.

i dream of a church that is in love with the poor. not by giving some money - but by opening their doors and hearts. by not looking at those different than us with a wild eye. a church who loves those that christ so loves.

i dream of a church not in love with capitalism and shackled to the american dream. i dream of a place that doesnt preach a prosperity gospel when there are millions who dont even know where their next meal will come from. i dream of a christian who puts gods dreams in front of their own.

these are some of my dreams. i want these things to change in me first and foremost - and it is hard. but i think these are some of the things christ would have wanted.

the whole square


house on the square


another house on the square


linds in telč


another end of the square


kostel sv Jakuba Staršího


houses on the square in telč


telč zámek

the weekend is gone and monday has shown it ugly head and turned again into a tuesday. the tuesday that i have been dreading and begging to not show up. time has successfully eluded me again. only this time - there is hope for what the future holds and not just mourning what has come and gone. saying goodbye here is as much a part of life as anything else. i can see frustration in people's eyes and smell the sadness that lingers in the air as it happens.

the weekend was a nice one. friday lindsay and i visited telč in south moravia. the weather was beautiful and the town was quite stunning. it almost seemed surreal as we walked through a small entryway next to the town square. to the right was the huge zamek(chateau) and the left unfolded the beautiful square. i must admit that it is one of the most beautiful squares that i have seen. each house was different and most all were over 300 years old - some even more. this town sits between two large ponds and is one of the bigger suppliers of carp in the region. we got to walk around the grounds of the zamek and the ponds and all around the town. it was a great day trip.

walking into church on sunday a bit late (i was suprised that we had started on time..) i noticed how many people were there. i mean - we average about 40-50 i would say - and there had to have been at least like 90. so anyway - i made my way up to the front to the place linds had saved for me. it was a pretty typical sunday really - chris leading worship, and the like, but something was special. i knew that this could be our last sunday to worship together (linds and i) in PCF. things could not have been more perfect. worship was heart wrenching, and i just could not help but to smile at this place that i have come to love so much. the people are so amazing and real. there are no pretenses. people worshipping with their whole being and just loving to be there in the presence of christ with other people that they have grown to love. well - i once again got to serve communion and with lindsay. i found myself to tears serving people. (i wonder why more churches dont let average church members do this act of worship. i have talked to so may people who for the first time at this church - have had the opportunity to serve communion and have been so blessed. i know i have. every other church i have ever been in - you had to be a deacon or something ridiculous like that.) we share a common cup and everyone just kinda files to the front to take the wine and bread. we go at our own pace and just do as you please- enter this time as you like. so nice. but at the very end - my buddy luke and magda - came almost running to the front and announced that they are now engaged! hell - i thought they were gonna announce that they kissed for the first time or something - because they had only been dating like 4 weeks! so cool though to hear their stories about how it happened and progressed. god is so good. then john announced that linds was leaving and about 10 people gathered around her and laid hands on her to pray. i was overwhelmed. the love in this community is so amazing. i love this church - it makes me dream and think. it encourages and loves and lets me come as i am. the best thing is that people are real. i mean - really real. they say what they think - and we dont always agree - but we are there for the same reasons. we want to follow christ. i want to try to be like christ. this is the essence of christianity - nothing else. just trying to be like christ. i know i stumble and fall alot - but with the help of my friends - i get right back up. the next 2 months are going to be really hard and long - but ill get through it. i just pray for gods peace and strength.

well today is rainy. has been off and on for the past few days - but i wont complain. i like the rain loads and it reminds me of home a bit. the week is slowly winding down to the weekend which i have been dreading for about 4 months now. my best friend in the world is leaving prague early tuesday and this is the last weekend that i will have to spend with her in prague. man - how time has flown. seems like just yesterday we were at futurum dancing until 430 in the morning. i think she knows that she will be missed more than i can say - but just in case... Linds i am gonna really miss you. it is gonna be a lonely few months until i travel home for the first time in august. i will get through it - but it wont be easy.



thought it may be fun for any of you guys who wanted - to be able to send me text messages for free over the internet. just click on the link below and type in my phone number. (777.372.054) and enter in any 9 numbers in the phone number blank. then just send the message. it is cool and wont cost either of us a thing. and if you have extra time and want to visit a cool site - go to the links at the right and visit the million dollar piggy bank. it is my buddy daves site - and is pretty cool. i think the first few people can sign up for free - so get on it!


vodaphone

checking my email last night i ran across one of the many ads reminding me that today is mothers day. man was i thankful for the reminder. here in the czech republic - i think mothers day is some other day because it certainly isnt today. well im not sure they even have the official day at all. but anyway - i am glad to be reminded. most of you know my mom pretty well if you read my blog. she is the one who is always there in the middle of whatever is going on, thinks she knows all the new "news", is always flashing that huge infectious smile, kissing all the children (and most times my friends too), and just being an awesome mom. i am not sure that i can put into words adequately enough how much she means to me or has done for me - so i am not sure i will even attempt to do so. but i am never sure how she did it - being a mom that is. or better yet - being my mom. on more than one occasion people have told me that my mom should be sainted. and yes - why not? catholics have sainted many others for much lesser feats. she raised 2 hellion boys (wellme at least) who gave her nothing much more than grief in those nice teenage years, and she still loves me more than anything. this much i know for sure. it means the world to me - her love. her hugs are the best and her love for everyone better. so thanks mom - im through being mushy. but i cant wait to see you in august. love you much!

heading out in a few minutes to go church. (4:30 start time is really so perfect..) But i have thought lately - thanks to conversations with lindsay really - how much i have been enjoying going. this is no small feat really. so many things over the years have soured my feelings of church, to the point of not even going for about 3 yrs while i lived in st louis. whether it was being made to feel small or not welcome for not dressing a certain way, not agreeing with teachings of some people, church politics, lack of love, or just the out of date, dead church in so many ways. but healing is taking place in my heart. i know it isnt complete yet for i still feel some of this bitterness. but the thing is that i see is a new generation who wants to make needed changes. a generation who isnt ready to settle for their parents religion, a generation who loves and isnt scared to think for themselves and to love others. a generation who care nothing about the american dream and is ready to give up their so called "lives" for gods children. the people who care nothing of the worlds definition of success. i want to be one of these. at my church here i see this. PCF is an amazing mix of temporary and permanent, world citizens, and people who just love jesus. not worried about the way people see them. they come to the house of prayer as they are and worship. they cry out for the nations and love each other. this is helping me to heal. i am so thankful i am a part of it. it is a long process, but it is happening. i just pray that god continues to stir peoples hearts to change. change perceptions and the places of worship to the point that they are actually actively seeking gods face and his will. not being a place to come and make our faces known by wearing a nice suit and leaving the pews with no feelings except those of obligation. one of these days it will happen. it will be a long road - but i believe that it will happen.

been awhile
thinking about loads
seeing some sun
enjoying
company of friends
not for long

burning witches
demons to face
hoping ill come out
on top

time moves on
so fast
i can never tell
where i am
who has been here

searching for you
god
looking all wrong
the details i miss
wish i wasnt
so blind

feelings like rain
running off
my head to
these toes and
up again

where to go
oh god
holding my hand
dont be
gone