Christmas come and gone. Germany was wonderful. Arrived friday to dresden to a smiling tabea – and I knew that we would have a good time. wandered around the city most of the afternoon having coffee, talking to strangers and just catching up. then we got to her house that night for dinner with her mom and dad. such nice folks – I had a great time trying to talk the bit of german that I knew and just trying to communicate. languages. so many times I feel so helpless with this language thing. ignorant in a way. but we smile, make hand gestures and get our points across. of course tabea played translator the whole weekend and Im sure she was tired of it. but she was great. her family treated me as one of their own and it was so nice to be with a family. I cant believe how good they treated me. my german family. late nights discussing everything from god to culture and everything in between. so nice. I miss being around them actually. we wandered around the woods by her house, walked the dog, and drank loads of tea. but it was so nice. probably a christmas that I wont soon forget - if ever. and I hope to see them again one day. I have so much fun hanging out with tabea and I always seem to learn so much from her. I think that is what we are here for. to learn from each other and enjoy the presence of our brothers and sisters. to live together. yes – I missed my family – but hopefully soon I will see them. until then – I am starting to realize that we have real family all over the place. . im gonna enjoy it. hope you had a merry christmas and that you remembered the reasons we are here.

been pondering a few things lately. mostly about change and how it affects peoples lives and in turn affects others lives. you know. the ole trickle down effect. 2 seperate issues really. first - had a conversation recently with a friend about how his mom told him that she would be outright pissed off if he ever dated a black girl. and that she would never approve. this wasnt the issue to me. the issue to me what that he justifed it and thought it was ok - because of the way his mom justified it. he said that she was just raised this way. his words go something like this. she is an intellegent, educated, and genuinly good person. so she cant help how she was raised. this is what her reason was for feeling like this. and he was in total agreeance that she couldnt be held accountable for this. how much more ignorant can we be - to agree with a statement like this? dont get me wrong - im probably gonna stand up for my mom as much as i can too - but there has to be a line somewhere. if this attitude prevails - then we perpetuate this cycle until eternity. and we wonder why the south gets the reputation that it does. or for that matter - in the broader scope - just people. why are we called racists? because we never seem to learn from our mistakes. how can we honestly back a statement like this? i just was raised like this. i cant help it. what the hell? such ignorance infused with so called education is just another recipe for us to continually keep taking giant leaps backwards. if martin luther king had just lived how he was raised - would he have done anything? would rosa parks relatives still be on that back seat? would i be able to go to school and have friends of different colour? sometimes you have to take a stand against some things - even if they are unpleasantly close to you and you love the person making the statements....

secondly - the church. should the church stay the same throughout the ages? should nothing change? why is it hard for people to step out of the way that they were raised into a different way of worship? doesnt god call us to continually work out our salvation? should we not look for god in other venues than what we are used to? im not saying either way is better. tradional, contemporary or somewhere in between. but i do get confused by people who refuse to even acknowledge that god can be in either place. and in turn shun one way or another. see - since the creation of the church - it has been changing. this is evidenced by my jewish and catholic roots. but the point is that it changed. it didnt stay the same. why should we stop now? why should we be scared of coming to a place that we are challenged. just because we are used to sitting quietly in a pew and never being asked to do anything unless you are a deacon or something - does that make it the right way? are you growing? growing involves change. this much is inevitable. why do we run? if we are learing and growing as christians, we change. so why do we resist so much? just a question. if your faith involves sitting in a pew on sundays and praying over your meals - then i dont see much faith at all. sometimes change hurts and isnt comfortable. in fact most times it isnt - but does that make it bad? live with your heart and let christ guide your steps- not by our feeble minds. you will go the right way.

btw - got a christmas card from finland today! it rocks so much. laura you are the best. it was the first thing i have ever recieved from finland. i smiled all afternoon - just from the card. thanks girl! oh yeah - and a student of mine made me a whole horde of czech christmas cookies. yes! finally. some christmas sweets!

friday night got invited to a party in karlstejn castle. castle. you read it correctly. seems like a czech girl that a buddy has been dating - her dad is the caretaker of the castle. they live there. so they invited a few of us and we had a party and got to stay in the castle. it may have been one of the coolest things i have gotten to do since i have been here. we got to go all around the place and do pretty much as we liked. the places that usually arent open to the public and all! the weekend weather was perfect - it snowed loads and made the castle look that much more amazing. it is like something you see out of a fairly tale. exactly - and the town surrounding the castle is so nice and picturesque. so with a nice coat of snow and the castle - it realy looks like something out of a movie. we had a great time having snowball fights from the castle walls and running around generally like idiots. i cant lie - there were several times that i imagined myself being a knight - only using snowballs instead of other weaponry! i took loads of pictures - which once again hopefully will ba able to go up after christmas sometime. not to make anyone jealous or anything...

lots going on here. saying goodbye to 2 friends this week. headed back out to the states. i havent been to a much more transient place than here. seems so many people come here for a long vacation. really it is kinda frustrating for me. how do you invest time in people knowing they will just leave you? howdo you open up? seems like it cant be any more difficult. i take a long time to really get to know someone anyway - or at least let them see the real me. or maybe im not sure i let anyone see the real me. sometimes i think i can hide it from god. but then i realize how ignorant this is and struggle to show myslef whom i am. so wierd. im trying to learn how to not let this fear of uncertainty stop me before i start. that is the problem - i trip on my own laces out of the box.

10 days till christmas? so crazy. well - actually nine here. they celebrate on the 24th in some countries here! kinda cool. in germany we will celebrate on the 24th. im super excited. pray for tabea's family - that i wont drive them mad! now if only it would snow really god one time so i can get some nice pictures...

wrestling lately about several things. what is the church? what should it be to me? why should i continue to be so scared of it all? john asked me that other day - what can the church do to make people like yourself not have these fears? and i dont know the answer. just want to be real. just want to not step into a subculture on sundays. not pretend to be people we arent the one day a week we come together for worship. stop pretending and having pretenses. i think this is what christ wanted. not a group that plays an ugly version of dress-up once or twice a week. lets be real with each other and love each other for who we are. lets talk and hear each others hearts and fears. lets pray. pray for real things. lets cry and cry for others who are hurting. break our hearts god. let us love. all the terms are out there. post-modern, blah blah being relevant blahblahblah.... i dont care about any of it. in fact it scares me. i just want things to be real. not be about what you are wearing or not wearing. not about praying a certain way. not about a man who is leading a church, and what he thinks. only about god. only about grace and love. not about a set of rules being thrown at me from a man making more money than he can spend. a church who loves missions. a church who just loves. a community. a family. is this too much to ask?

yeah - not sure where to start. i have many random things to say tonight. this may get long and ugly...

first i guess congratulations are an order to steven (lotsa) bowers and kim bunyard! somehow along the course of the weekend maybe - they got engaged. never thought this would happen in my life - but now it has. im happy for my boy. miss you bro - and loads of luck to ya...

the weekend. wow. what can i say. it was amazing for the most part. and really sad at the same time. anyway - to sum up. friday - the usual. hanging with the boys at herolds and leaving early so that i can get up decently early to go to kutna hora. so saturday we set off. kutna hora is a small town about 40km outside of prague. at one point in time it was a super important city with as many people as london in the 14th century. we saw a few old churches and the town. there is one ossuary there made with bones from over 40k people. really crazy and kinda spooky. but cool at the same time. so check out the pics - click on the link. and there is an amazingly beautiful old cathedral there. we had some snow ball fights, walked around and just had a really good day. it was chewy and myself along with chris, sylvie, georgie and loren.

so saturday night - got invited to a party at a few of my firends house. loren and i were only about 3 hours late - so i figured that we didnt do so bad. anyway - it was such a blessing - because i met 3 british girls who were just an amazing encouragement to me. they were just visitng a friend and we had a great time. so amazing the conversation that god allowed me to have with them and that you can connect with people you dont even really know - because you are on the same page with god. i know i will see them again soon.

sunday church was maybe the best that i have attended since i have been here. it meant a whole lot to me. this is something that i havent really been able to say in a long long time. we did communion in 5 small groups with about 10 in each. we served each other and before we drank the wine - we all just shared some things in our life - then prayed. just really amazing. meant so much. plus the british girls were in our group as well as my best friend loren. (more about her shortly...) the kicker of the night was we had a catholic priest to tell us about advent. only he really just touched on that and totally blew my mind. he said things that i thought only i thought. i was smiling so big - and loren and the brits kept turning around looking at me to see my face because i had had this same conversation with them the night before and loren has heard it all from me about 100 times. guess it made me feel so good to hear that i am not the only one who thinks this stuff - and a catholic priest at that! so freaking crazy. anyway - more later - because him and i are having coffee at his huge church by the castle this week. im am stoked for sure.

loren. what can i say. i had to watch a friend leave prague this weekend. loren is one of the most amazing girls that i have ever met. we instantly became best friends and got to hang out quite a lot. she is now is portugal working with young life as a missionary there. the kicker is that she hasnt even started college yet. she took a year off after high school to do this. i shudder to think what i would have been like trying to do that right out of high school. maturity beyond her years - that much is certain. i am so glad to have met her. i know i will see her again - but it was hard to let her go. she just left yesterday - but the day was pretty tough for me knowing she left. she was the first girl that i really connected with here. i love having friends who are girls - and she is awesome. anyway - pray for her as she goes and does what god wants her to do.

so enough for now. im exhausted - plus this internet at this dang cafe isnt so cheap....