over the years i have had so many opinions about the church. thoughts of love gradualy eroded into bitterness, discomfort, rejection and wondering what it is even for. so for the last few years i have struggled with these things and tried to grasp what they all mean. the process has been slow and tiresome and so many times i have wanted to give up - only to see glimpses of what the bride of christ can be and have hope somewhat restored. church yesterday was beautiful. maybe it is the taking of communion with new friends. maybe it is seeing the body so harmonius and loving and full of life. maybe it is getting a glimpse of christs love for us just as we are. maybe it is seeing hope for a nation that is so openly atheist. whatever it is - i am still learning. i am still having to try really hard to figure out where the church fits in. how is what i grew up in relevant to anything happening today? maybe it is me trying to see where i fit in with the church. i just know that i have learned a lot about what i believe in the past several years. i have learned to open my bible and form my own thoughts. i have learned that i learn so much more from fellow believers than anything else. i dont have to have a radical sermon, or someone telling me what i should or shouldnt do. i have started to learn how to really worship. starting to learn... i am starting to learn how to fall in love again. with gods church. with gods children. with this much over-looked nation. i hope that when christ comes back for his bride- i will be ready. learning to love hurts. but then again - if the heart of the bride of christ is beating - it will always be one that hurts.